42

The forgotten victims of male headship

In my recent post (42: My wife...) I focused on the wives who are victims of male headship (thinking in that post of the problems caused by wives being valued only or principally for their looks). Here I want to draw attention to five other groups of victims that are often forgotten or ignored when we focus on the problems that male headship means for wives. I have been encouraged as I thought about this by a session on inclusion and diversity at the Time to Reflect retreat where I am this week.

1. Single Women
2. Single Men
3. Husbands
4. Wives with ill husbands
5. The whole of society

Single women. I mentioned them in passing in the other post but realised that in doing so I was continuing the trend of not giving them the attention they deserve. When Churches teach male headship it should be obvious that single women become victims. When a woman is considered to only have worth from their husband then those women who have no husband are victims twice over. Once for their gender and once because they do not have the only recognised status which is that of wife. I imagine there are differing experiences of this for women who have never been married, those who are divorced (and I suspect especially single parents) and those who are widowed. I would love to know of places where the voices of single women in complementarian/male headship churches are being shared and heard. Anyone got any recommendations?

Single Men. As one of the key status symbols in a male headship setting is the "lovely" wife it follows that men without a wife will have lower status, I get the distinct impression that a wife is considered essential for Church planters by some. Maybe the self styled masculinity of these churches helps men attend, but if all the focus is on having a wife who will submit and honour you then how do the single men feel? Are the considered failures? What about those men with skills and interests that are not considered manly by their male headship Church? Where do they fit in?

Husbands. It may seem odd to see the married men in male headship churches as victims. However, they have to fit the part too. What about the unemployed husband "kept" by his wife? What about the husband whose wife has a better job, or who is better suited to staying at home and looking after the kids (very nearly my choice at one time), or who loves cooking or baking, or who is the tidy one in the marriage who chooses to keep the home clean. There are already plenty of men who dare to break the cultural stereotypes, how many more would make different choices without the pressure to conform to their churches idea of male headship? How many would be happier if freed from the need to be the head?

Wives with ill husbands. I know I have asked this before and I also know that no male headship supporter has answered. Suppose you believe in male headship and have followed it all your married life. Then late in life your husband develops dementia. How do you fit this with male headship? Suddenly you have the one who has not been allowed to make the final decisions in charge. In examples I have seen you have the one who has never been allowed to manage the finances having to pick them up with no handover at an incredibly difficult time. Who is now the head of the household? Should this faithful wife now feel guilty because she is acting out of her God given role?

The whole of society. Whenever people are excluded from their full potential, whenever people are not free or are prevented from using their God given abilities then the whole of society is poorer and we all suffer loss. How could it be otherwise? This is true in every way that people are excluded (racism, homophobia, Islamophobia, ageism, etc etc) and make headship is no different. My life is poorer because the gifts of so many have been suppressed. Simple selfishness and self interest should mean I stand against male headship even when it is marketed at complementarianism.

My wife ...

Two wildly contrasting posts last night have got me thinking:

First, Jack a friend from her own blog and around here, has a guest blogger spot and came up with: The CBE Scroll » Thank you, but what else? It is a great piece that needs to be read in full.

Second, Adrian Warnock has been writing about a current trip to the US, his latest post includes plenty of praise for his wife see St Joseph, Jeff Gates and Micah Fries.

There is an interesting connection as both use Proverbs 31 to make entirely opposite points :-) 

• Adrian to continue to push his agenda for wives who exist only to support their husbands in "a submissive and honoring way". He uses a selective quote from Proverbs 31 which ignores all the independent and managing roles the wife has.
• Jack is making points about how women are introduced as "lovely" and uses Proverbs 31:30 to point out that "beauty is fleeting".

On the other hand the connection is broken and they stand in contrast as Jack writes

I’m sorry to say, I’m not sure that the Church is doing much better on this matter [ed: that women are invariably introduced with a reference to their beauty]. In my eighteen years as a Christian, I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard male pastors, speakers and missionaries reference their “beautiful/lovely/gorgeous” wives, often with nary a word as to what else it is that they love about their wives.

So Adrian gets going straight away in his first paragraph with his first mention of a wife:

who with his lovely wife Peggy

I am reminded of a post I wrote 3.5 years ago 42: Captivating Women. In that I wrote about my wife, Jane:

Instead I was (and still am) delighted to have fallen in love with a woman who is characterised by intelligence, creativity, organisation, humour and musical ability.

I don't think I was very fair at the time as there are many other qualities that characterise Jane and that together make the woman I love as my life long partner. 

However, and you knew this was coming, there is a but. Adrian writes:

Single men if you think you may have God’s hand on you make sure you marry such a godly woman who will help you achieve everything God has for you. Quite frankly, such a wife will be more important than anyone else in helping to shape you, all the time doing so in a submissive and honoring way. Beware, however, that as much as a good woman can make you, the wrong kind of woman can completely ruin you for any significant work for God. The women I have met here, including of course Jeff’s wife, have all impressed me with their commitment to the cause, their warmth, and their loving support for their husbands. Anyone who claims that the women in our churches are somehow not valued and not given room to serve their Lord has not spoken to some of the incredible women we have in our family of churches, fully caught up in God’s mission and playing very significant roles.

I get the feeling that the comment "Anyone who claims that the women in our churches are somehow not valued and not given room to serve their Lord" might be aimed at me (as well as every other egalitarian in the world). Great, bring it on.

Adrian's claim that it is only people who have not spoken to the incredible women in their family of churches that believe they are not valued and not given room to serve their Lord would  be far more convincing if

• I was not concerned that when he refers to "their Lord" he means their husband who in "a submissive and honoring way" these wives are helping to shape so that HE can achieve all that God has for him.
• Adrian could bring himself to actually mention some of these roles in which women are being valued and given room to serve their Lord (hopefully their eternal, loving Lord Jesus). In Adrian's post all we see women praised for is their submissiveness, their beauty, the way they complement their husbands, their commitment [ed: I don't deny that it must take a lot of commitment to give up on all that God created you to be and still calls you to be in order to be submissive to your husband], their loving support of their husbands etc
• We also saw something of the role of single women. Adrian says these submissive wives have roles in the Church (although as I have said he never mentions what the roles are) but there is never any mention of single women and their important roles.

Adrian, your post shows nothing of any progress at all in really honouring women, it shows so little of the spirit of Proverbs 31 where we see a powerful woman independently managing a large household, essentially a business enterprise and being praised for it. Sadly the post continues the subjugation of women that is a consistent sign of the complementarian viewpoint.

[Update] See also my post The forgotten victims of male headship.

Cafechurch Network training

As mentioned in 42: Coffee and other bits we are part of the Cafechurch network and have run two Cafe church events in the Wellingborough Costa Coffee.

Today, I went to a training course Help, I'm leading a cafechurch! - day conference in London at the Costa Coffee 13 New Bridge Street, London EC4V 6AU. Nice location and as helpful staff.

Anyway a helpful day, met some interesting people with useful experience they could share. Will be taking plenty of ideas into our next planning meeting in the coming week.

Changing the World

If there is one thing I am passionate about it is this: 

The world needs to be changed. 

I hope that comes through clearly in the things I write here. I also hope that it is clear that my motivation for this passion is just as clear. 

I believe the world needs to be changed because I follow Jesus as my Lord and Saviour.

However, I also believe that many other people who do not have the same motivation also want to see the world changed and have many of the same goals as me. So

I will gladly work with people who have similar goals but do not share my faith in Jesus.

The changes that I want to see include:

• Utter destruction of Poverty everywhere
• Justice for all people
• Peace throughout the world
• All people to be valued, welcomed and included
• Protection of the planet and its resources for future generations
• Building of communities around these goals.

For me as a Christian these changes form part of what I understand as the need to be part of the building of the Kingdom of God and also preparing for the return of Jesus. However, I believe that many others would see these changes as desirable, certainly as worthwhile and maybe even as essential.

Does my life show commitment to changing the world?

I have been reflecting on how my commitment to these changes becomes real. In other words what aspects of my life make concrete contributions to these changes. Alternatively "what do I do?" and "what am I?" so that people can see and experience my commitment to these goals.

As I look at the very public side of myself in the contents of this blog I hope that my commitment can be seen in four main areas

• My lifestyle as a disciple of Jesus
• My work within the Methodist Church (and wider Christian Community) to encourage change and growth
• My support for and contributions to Free Software
• My commitment to cycling as transport

In some ways these may appear a mixed bag of general and specific, they may also leave you wondering if they are connected and even how they might support the changes I am committed to.

So I want to explore each of these four areas in a series of posts before then considering more generally how we can change/should the world. While I hope all my thinking is theological I also hope that it is still relevant to those interested in changing the world who do not share my faith perspective.

One of the reasons for this series was a post by a friend (Dave Faulkner) Seth Godin: Without Them « Big Circumstance and the comments that followed. In them I mentioned that I try to bring change in the way Seth Godin suggests and that I refer to it as "being easier to get forgiveness than permission". Dave asked me to expand on what I meant and in particular on the importance of motivation and process in doing this.

However, that is not the only reason. Through reflecting on these issues I also hope to find it helpful for me as a review of where I am and how well my life actually fits with what I believe is important. Therefore this is not fully planned and worked out so diversions and changes should be expected on this journey. Hopefully that taking stock will be of interest and perhaps help to others too.

Please feel free to challenge woolly thinking as we go and for that matter encourage anything good as well :-) Helping me be honest and thorough is good for me and should make this more generally useful as well.

Coffee and other bits

Just back from our second Cafe Church event, part of the Cafe Church Network, held at the Wellingborough Costa Coffee. Monthly Saturday evenings. Opens at 7pm for 7:30pm start.

Tonight the theme was debt which is highly appropriate for this time of year.

Nice to meet some new people and have a good chat over my favourite coffee (if you must know it is a Massimo, skinny latte with extra shot).

Thanks to Sam and Matt for the live music.

Sadly though my record Christmas (1st Christmas in Raunds where I have not had flu or a bad cold over Christmas) has now come to an end and I now have a horrible cold with bad cough (enough to keep me out of bed all last night). So I struggled a bit during my little bit at Cafe Church.

Fortunately tomorrow we have a joint service with St Peter's (CoE) at Raunds Methodist. They are joining us for our annual covenant service which is great - especially as Shena (the Rector) is going to lead most of the service and preside at Communion so I only have to preach. Mind you on Wednesday Shena had no voice so it may mean we have to be adaptable switching to the one with the stronger voice at random places in the service.

Challenging Literal Language

A great post from Mark: Thinking Outloud: Maps and Language and Happy New Year.

The over valuing of literal ways of expressing our experience of reality needs challenging. Literal truth doesn't help us talk about the most important things, and when you force yourself to speak literally, you end up saying some very silly things about those important things. The most obvious example of this is God talk where 'taking the bible literally' has become for some the same as, 'taking it seriously', or reading it honestly and not complicating it with 'man made' interpretations. 

Taking the bible literally however is absurd. It isn't simple so you can't pretend it is and to be serious about it and faithful, you need to know what kind of language it is using at any given point. To believe, as I do, that it is inspired by God, doesn't let you off the hook by assuming that God used only modern ways of using language! 

So regarding literal language we need to challenge the two assumptions. One is that literal truth is 'simple' and without distortion. Second that other ways of talking about reality are not serious and are complicating things for the sake of it. I'm not sure I can do that here – though I'll have a go on another day. Instead here is a way of thinking that I find helpful, I'm curious to know if you find it so!

Well I for one found it helpful. It seems Pam did too: PamBG's Blog: Taking the Bible Seriously.

Tony Blair vs John the Baptist

Following on from 42: Is Tony Blair off his rocker?

John the Baptist:

When crowds of people came out for baptism because it was the popular thing to do, John exploded: "Brood of snakes! What do you think you're doing slithering down here to the river? Do you think a little water on your snakeskins is going to deflect God's judgment? It's your life that must change, not your skin. Luke 3:7-18 - Passage Lookup - BibleGateway.com.

Tony Blair:

Mr Blair was also asked what role his Christian faith played in the decision to go to war.

He said: "I think it is important that you take that decision, as it were, on the basis of what you think is right, because that is the only way to do it.

But he went on: "I think people sometimes think my religious faith played a direct part in some of those decisions, it really didn't." BBC News - Removal of Saddam Hussein 'right', says Tony Blair.

So what is Tony going to be thinking on Sunday when he listens to that Lectionary reading?

Oop's!

Results from installing Google ChromeUbuntu Chromium browser (Google Chrome for Linux on Ubuntu

It was only 6 days ago that I wrote 42: Install Ubuntu Chromium browser (Google Chrome for Linux) about how easy it was to install a pre-beta version of Google Chrome (the Web Browser from Google) on Ubuntu (both 9.10 and 8.04).

Well I have upgraded to the beta version. Installation is even easier (download, open, click install). get it from Google Chrome - Download a new browser.

The performance is wonderful, extensions are now appearing (eg I have installed xmarks so my bookmarks are in sync across all machines and browsers). I have stopped using Firefox entirely after many years of use.

So far totally stable and very quick (some of the benchmarks I tried were over 10x the speed of Firefox 3.1 for javascript, others did not even complete on Firefox [it reported that the script had stalled]).

I have not compared it to Windows Explorer as I have stopped booting into Windows now that I have Datasoul (Free Open Source Church Presentation Software) to use for worship services.

I'll finish with a summary of software recommendations just as a reminder if you are also thinking about leaving windows now that Google Chrome is available for other Operating Systems. For the main applications used by Churches & Ministers my recommendations would be:

Operating System: Ubuntu 9.10 (I use Ubuntu on netbooks, old laptops, new laptops, and a Sun Server with 5 thin clients). Very easy to install, very easy to use, looks great, extremely stable, fast, free and with huge amounts of easy to install software.

Office Software: OpenOffice (over 100,000,000 downloads of version 3 in just over a year!!!). I come across MS Office on other machines all the time and keep coming away wondering why anyone is using it. The huge changes in user interface that require learning each release so put me off! This is a no brainer way to save a lot of money (and yes Ubuntu installs it for you) while gaining something that works so well.

Web Browser: Now got to be Google Chrome for speed, looks and speed. Only negative at the moment is support for pdf's (at least on Linux, have not tried Windows).

Worship Presentations: Datasoul Not just because it works so well on Linux and is free but because it is so fast to prepare worship and is getting better all the time and the price plus freedom is just what is needed for Churches.

5 things I, me, myself,, love about Methodism - part 3

A continuation from 42: 5 things I, me, myself,, love about Methodism - part 1 and 42: 5 things I, me, myself,, love about Methodism - part 2.

Item 1 was "Meeting the Living God" and item 2 "Theology"

So we move onto item 3:

3. Commitment to Equality and Diversity (or Inclusion)

I guess nobody who reads 42 will be surprised by this.  There are probably some who think I do nothing but pick arguments with them on this issue :-)

My inclusion (sorry very weak pun) of this here in no way means that I think that Methodism has this licked. You can see how we are currently working on this at The Methodist Church of Great Britain | The Equalities & Diversity Project, we are still lacking good policies, procedures and monitoring (and that is not good enough, we should be doing better). My grateful thanks to those in our Church who are working on improving our position. Plus my sincere thanks and respect to other churches that have led the way and who are still ahead of us.

Anyway, I believe that this is an area that reflects the heart of Methodists today and I love the outcomes when we do well at this.

I have had such a great time learning, growing, sharing, worshipping, eating (etc etc etc) with so many diverse people that I am continually amazed that people choose the poverty that comes with no diversity and no equality. Given that God, in his wisdom, did not make everyone else like me it is utterly incomprehensible to me that others think that it could be God's will to not welcome with open arms the full range of human diversity created by God. I want to be clear that IMHO any claims to welcome diversity that do not recognise, celebrate and support equality are bogus.

Here I want to celebrate that Methodism does not support inequality on the basis of ethnicity, gender, sexuality etc etc. That makes the 3rd thing I love about Methodism.

Interview with a Wiccan

Interview with a Wiccan « Purging my soul…one blog at a time ends with (worth reading it all though):

I’ve said this before: people don’t care about your correct doctrine until they know for certain that you care about them as people. Only when that trust has been established are they willing to entertain the possiblity of your beliefs. People who evangelize others like they are a point on a scorecard or a notch on a belt really misrepresent the heart of the Father. People don’t care what you know until they know that you care.

This neatly puts part of what I was trying to express in 42: 5 things I, me, myself,, love about Methodism - part 2.